Sunday, May 20, 2018

a decade, outta line too

Things I learnt ten years after High-school graduation: 

1. Time flies, literally and you grow older.
At 17 thinking of the future was just an exciting game, guesses, chances, potential was all dreams. But one minute becomes an hour and then you find yourself ten years later with memory. Adult-life is hard and time is precious, so is energy, this is something I learnt the hard way and because before you know it, ten years fly by and because time is precious those who surround us should be as precious.
2. You will never be perfect, but you can be your truest self
Your flaws will never disappear so if you live with them that's the best solution! Grow, give yourself the chance to laugh at things you thought were central to your being 5 years ago because they make you "perfect". So much into the idea of "Perfect" comes from the world around us, exposure to insane beauty and thought standards changes us. Embrace yourself because your own arms give the best hugs.
3. Everyone is insecure, even the most confident.
This I've seen all over the world, I’ve even seen it with officials, successful authors and stars who are as hesitant and scared as an average 17 year old. Fear and the feeling of a compromised confidence is universal how you deal with fear is how you cultivate the facade of confidence you project to the world.
4. Speak up and ask for things that are rightfully yours
When I was bullied, all I thought was: I am better than them. What I should have told myself is I have a voice that’s uniquely mine. Overcoming shyness is probably the best thing I've worked hard on for the past few years. Ask for things that are rightfully yours, don't be shy. I am still trying.
5.You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress.
It is not a cut-clear process. Growth is a work in progress. Allow yourself time to give and receive, time to be a couch potato with crazy childhood-patterned PJs and allow yourself time to wear the Julian Macdonald gown and flaunt it.
6. There will be friends, there will be lovers, there will be leftovers.
Life is unpredictable, always easier with friends: exciting with a loved one and boring with cold leftovers. The thing is, be conscious of who your friends are and don't measure them by years but by situations and the same thing applies to love but not for leftovers- eat good food while you still can!
7. Buy the shoes, take the trip, learn the language, follow that dream.
In essence, don't be closed off to change. Don't deprive yourself of the things you love because passion gets you places. Passion about changing the world took me to Japan, to the States, to the Fringe Festival. Just believe in chances.
8. Life is about hard work, but also about luck
Sometimes you work hard, it pays off. Sometimes you work hard and life treats you with a broken heart, camera and laptop (yes, that's another story for another day!). Sometimes life gives you a once-in-a-lifetime chance which can change your life in a minute like a year abroad for example. Take the chance, jump at things.
9. It is never "too late", except in cases of apologies
it is never "too late" to wear bright red, to get married, to pull an all-nighter. I rode my first rollercoaster 2 days before my 24th birthday. I saw the ocean for the first time at 25. This also applies to thoughts, it is never too late to change your mind about pre-held "set-in-stone" ideas. It is never "too late" except if you've made a drastic mistake then waited six months without getting in touch with someone then it is "too late" to fix it.
10. Face your demons to become free, then smile
Face your issues head on, don't let them pile up and do it with courage and with a smile, with a good attitude.

at twenty seven

I, the ultimate spoken
no longer look at my reflection
ugly duckling in my teens
a swan but not with beauty, with a pride
a step taken at twenty seven

a weekend displeasure

that I care not to what you say
that's displeasure monitored closely
the minute we both step in ice-water
on the only weekend we had freely to ourselves

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Going back

Going back, I find myself walking backwards to the sea
mixing fact and fiction, stirring tears in tea
going back, I dream of potential lives
various definitions of normalcy:

a radio playing a midnight love poem-
music to replace shrieks,
 stories about dancing bunnies
instead of departures for a child's memory
a piece of orange melting in my mouth

 abstracts beget less blossom in using the right verb
 even the church's bell isn't shy from chiming at mid-day
 I count family members and pray in silence
 use verbs like reduce, to tie my blessings together

that I have language,
 that I breath,
that I have stories
 but I know nothing is normal
and I know the verb return
 is a synonym for stay.


a renewed faith

for miss B

You had a spark
a touch, that's always been different- you tell me

I shudder at the faith you give me
one I lost when I last saw you.

help

is the word we use most
because every day
we look for exits

Saturday, May 12, 2018

comparison

You look at your own eyes
to make a match of which is different
by virtue of an upper pupil
this is what happens when you compare
your old self with your new eyes.